A Glimpse At His Unconditional Love

The trip that I had anticipated and dreamed of for so long was finally here. It didn't seem real that it was actually going to happen and that I was doing this all on my own. The fact that I had to fully trust God with everything in me was frightening. I had never given Him all of me before, just little bits and pieces that felt comfortable in that moment. This time I was ready to give Him every expectation, every doubt, and every insecurity that I had held onto so firmly in my past. My life was now completely in His hands, as well as, every aspect of my future. This gave me such a perfect feeling. One that I had never felt before. I felt an immediate rush of confidence and peace all at once. For the first time, I had let go of my own plans to follow God's call on my life and had taken a big step into the unknown.

My adventure began on March 17th at four in the morning. I had never flown internationally before nor had I stayed by myself overnight in an unfamiliar place. I didn’t want to experience both at the same time, so we purposefully booked all of my flights from San Antonio to Port Au Prince in the same day. I knew there was always the possibility of something going wrong, but I was trusting that God would get me there. I was sitting on my plane to Fort Lauderdale anxiously waiting for it to depart. We had already been there for an hour due to mechanical difficulties, and I was beginning to get anxious about making my connection flight. That's precisely when God revealed to me lesson number one. God doesn’t follow plans, because He always has better ones. When my flight finally took off I was able to rest at ease. I didn’t know whether I would be staying in Florida for the night or if I would be making it to Haiti, either way I knew God had a perfect plan.

I had two minutes to get off my current plane and make my connecting flight to Haiti. My phone was exploding with messages from my Dad saying that I would miss my flight, but to call him when I got to Florida. I ignored the messages for the moment, still confident that I could make my next flight. Can you guess what happened next? Yes, you're right. My plane had left without me. I took a couple deep breaths reassuring myself with the lesson God had taught me earlier. “God has a perfect plan”, I kept repeating in my head. Only a short moment later, I noticed a group of people that were in the same situation as me; trying to reconstruct their plans after missing their flight to Haiti. They looked as though they were from a church going out to do mission work. Without much thought, I went up and introduced myself to one of the ladies in the group. I told her my name, a little bit about me, where I was going, and about my current situation. She immediately wanted to help. Although this broke every single safety rule of traveling alone, I knew without a doubt that God had brought me this group of people to me as a gift. The ladies name was Samantha. She was traveling to Haiti on a mission trip with her husband (who was the youth pastor of their church), their two daughters named Claire and Emma (how ironic right?), and some other people from their church who wanted to serve. I immediately got connected with them and was invited to stay with them until our new flight to Haiti the next morning. I was already in awe of how God was blessing me.

Claire and I on the beach

I figured it was probably time to call my Dad and let him know what was going on. “Hey Dad, everything is okay... I met some new friends, and I am going to stick with them until I get to Haiti!” I quickly explained to him. There was really no way of making that conversation not sound sketchy, so I just decided to come right out and say it.  He reacted surprisingly well. After calling their head pastor to verify that they were in fact from the church they said they were, he sounded very pleased that I had found them. If I could have given God a bear hug at that moment, I totally would have. So, there I was with my new friends heading to the beach for a walk and a nice dinner that looked out over the ocean. We all decided that was the most logical way to spend our time. I mean, it's Florida!! The next morning we woke up bright and early, even more excited to get to Haiti now that we were together. I smiled up at God as I looked out the airplane window at the exquisite sunrise that He had painted so perfectly in the sky while sitting next to my new awesome friend Claire. They stayed with me until I found Byron and Shelley (my host parents), and helped me carry all of my luggage. I felt as though I had known them for years, when in actuality it had been less than twenty four hours. It was sad to say goodbye to my friends, but mostly we were excited because it was only the beginning of our grand adventures in Haiti.

                                        

The short drive from the airport to the Tluecek’s (my host family) house was really eye opening for me. There were people everywhere. Some with baskets on their heads filled with items waiting to be sold. Many under umbrellas on the side of the road trying to sell fresh produce and other things of that nature. Some were on the back of motorcycles and others were piled into the back of a covered truck which the Haitians call “Tap Taps”. It’s the Haitian version of a taxi or public transportation. On the walls next to the streets hung worn clothing, abstract paintings, and other hand crafted artwork. The streets themselves were uneven, bumpy, and full of unorganized traffic with impatient drivers. Often I would see piles of waste and trash along the road. I saw a variety of homes from small tents to larger gated houses. Although much seemed impoverished, beauty still bloomed in the tropical flowers, stood tall in the palm trees, shown brightly in the painted skies, and glistened in the eyes of the captivating yet burdened hearts of those that lived there. I was expecting to be heart broken and devastated by what I saw, but instead I felt like I was finally coming back home to a place I had been many times before. What I had expected to view as depressing, was what I actually saw as beautiful. Yes, the country is impoverished, and corrupt, and replete with sin. And Yes, the same God that loves you and me unconditionally, who gave us life, and forgives us daily is the same God over them too.

My first day at Maranatha Children's Ministries was overwhelming. I didn’t really know what to expect, but it all hit me very fast. Their house was located in a gated community in Port Au Prince. That's where they held preschool each day. Approximately seventy five kids were taught, fed, and loved five days a week from 8 am to 3 pm. When I got there, Shelley gave me a tour of their house, and then walked me through each class in the preschool. Immediately children started to point at me, grab my hands, tug on my shirt, and clung tightly to my legs. They were shouting things to me in Creole with smiles on their faces. Some were looking up at me as if they were waiting for an answer. I felt so helpless and strangely embarrassed, because I had no idea how to react, or how to answer them, or even how to understand what their little voices were saying. I kept quiet, overwhelmed by the language barrier. I met the two interns shortly after that. There names are James and Hope. I could tell in that short moment that they were amazing with the kids, and were able to speak and understand Creole. That should have been an encouragement to me, but instead it was intimidating. That's when God taught me lesson number two. It's NEVER easy to serve Him, and even when it seems hopeless we need to trust God with every move we make, every word we say, and even though we are blind to the future we can focus on the one moment that we are in right then. One step at a time.

There were two girls my age that were coming from Canada to volunteer for two weeks. I was so excited to meet them and to just have people to learn and grow with. Katy Sue and Hannah came in the afternoon on my first day. I could tell right away that we were going to be great friends. After I met them I just silently thanked God, and its like He whispered back in my ear, “I've got your back, Claire”. That evening was a blast, as were most every evening in Haiti. I loved meeting the rest of their family, and getting to know all of the other people that lived with them. At night, we would all help prepare dinner together and then all twenty of us would sit and eat outside around this big table under a gazebo. It was fun to start seeing everybody's personalities, and how things worked everyday in Haiti. After dinner, the boys would play worship songs on their guitars, and we would all sing praises to God. It was awesome to hear all the voices so genuinely being lifted to God even when darkness and distractions surrounded us. After worship, Byron would do devotions with us. While I was there, we were studying 1 Corinthians. He would break down the verses and help us understand the meaning and importance of each one. After devotions, the kids would all clean the kitchen and do dishes together. Just meeting new people and starting to build relationships brought me so much excitement for the days to come.

Craft time. Photo Cred: Hope Ruebke

I enjoyed preschool more and more each and every day. Hannah, Katy Sue, and I were in charge of crafts for the first two weeks. The preschoolers focus on one letter each week. While I was there, they went over S, T, U, and V. We had to come up with 5 crafts for each letter. We did things like snow, spider, and squares the first week. No matter what we chose, the teachers would teach the kids in English, Creole, and French, so that they understood what it was in each language. We would have three classes a day: first the twos, then the threes, and then the fours and older. After crafts, was lunch and recess or nap time depending on what the child needed. Lots of the kids come to school exhausted, starving, and sick, but the staff was very accomidating to each one of the children's needs. Hannah, Katy Sue, and I helped James and Hope with Recess. We would play games with them like Duck Duck Goose, Four Corners, Simon Says, London Bridges, and the kids favorite ‘Boom Chicka Boom’. After recess and nap, the kids do their school work with the teachers, which meant that we got a break for about an hour. Usually I would eat something and take a nap, because I would be so worn out. At the very end of the day, there was Bible story time. I remember being in that room and all the kids just wanting to be next to you. Each one of them would want to sit on you, or hold your hand, or just touch you in some way. Sometimes I would literally have five kids sitting on me. There would be one on my lap and then they would sit all the way down to my ankles. I would have kids leaning on my arms, and then kids next to them holding my hand. Their need for love became so evident to me. It made me cherish even more each moment with them on my lap, and each little hand I got to hold.

  

My buddies Alaxandre and Darlens. Photo Cred: Hope Ruebke

“Clae Kistine!” Hearing their little voices call my name made my heart so full. By the second week, I was picking up some Creole. Just simple things like: sit here, come, go, don't touch me, what's your name, hello, thank you, your’e welcome, and I love you. I started to remember faces and put them with names. I started to hear each little voice and laugh and know who it came from. I started to see the pain and exhaustion in their eyes, but also the great joy and excitement to be at school. I started to see their beautiful hearts, and each unique personality. I found myself waiting for the next hug, or the next little hand to slip into mine, or the next kiss on the cheek. I started to look forward to each morning just to see the kids, so I could know how each of them was doing. I really started to know them and love everything about each individual one. As I was falling in love with each one of the kids, I started to realize the magnitude of God’s love for me. Something that I have never been able to comprehend. He was teaching me to be patient, because serving God isn't something that you can accomplish quickly or cross off your "to-do" list. You can't rush it, or do it in your own way. It takes time, it takes failure, it takes perseverance, it takes hopelessness, and it takes forgiveness. After understanding this, I realized how much patience God must have had to get me from where I was in the past to where I am now. It's easy for me to feel hopeless after one hard day, but He never gave up on me for one moment in all the years of my life.

Katy Sue, Hope, Hannah, Katy Grace and I.

It was nearing the end of my two weeks in Haiti and my trip was coming to a close, but I couldn't even think about leaving. All I could think about were the relationships that I had just started, and the things that I was just beginning to learn and understand. How could I go home now and even have the right to say anything about Haiti and its people when I was only starting to see life through their eyes? I had to stay. So, I called my parents not even really sure if it was possible, but I asked them if I could stay longer. Their response was “Yeah, sure! For how long?” That answer kind of shocked me. Not that I thought they would say "no", but just that I could really have more time in the place that I had grown to love so much. The next day, my Dad changed my plane ticket back home to April 18th. The fact that I had a little over two more weeks in Haiti brought me so much joy. I would have time to make these relationships, and maybe impact their lives as much as they have impacted mine.

The third week brought some challenges, but also some huge blessings. I was really struggling with words that week. Its really hard to speak without words, and its really hard to listen when you can’t understand. I love peoples hearts so much and I love to listen, but it was so difficult to open up to people and have them open up to me when we spoke different languages. There was so much I wanted to say, and so much I wanted to hear. I felt like the part of me that is outgoing, confident, and encouraging was kept quiet. It was starting to really affect me, so I just put it all down before God. I asked Him what to do, how I could reach people, and know their hearts. There was no way I could do it on my own. I figured it was a good time for me to start practicing my patience and to keep taking one step at a time. Hannah and Katy Sue had left by now. They had gone up to the mountains to go serve in a ministry called God's Littlest Angels. It was sad to see them go, but I was so thankful for the time I had with them. I had gotten close with Hope and James, but I was excited to get to know them even more. They were such a blessing to me throughout my trip, but they especially impacted my life that week. When I was feeling like nobody knew my heart, they took the time to. They let me be the part of me that is crazy, outgoing, and confident, and they loved me for it. Most of all they opened up to me, and I got to hear all about their lives, and really know their hearts. While God didn't give me a solution right away, He brought me encouragement through Hope and James. It was something so small, but it meant the world to me.

Robencia and her Easter bracelet. Photo Cred: Hope Ruebke

Easter was three weeks away, so Shelley asked me if I would start doing Resurrection Eggs with the preschoolers everyday. I hadn't looked at the Resurrection Eggs in years nor had I ever taught the Easter story, but I felt confident about this. Each day, we would open a new egg, and I would tell the story of the token inside and what it meant, and then I would read the scripture that went along with it. A teacher in each class would translate for me. It was awesome, because even though the children didn't understand my words directly they were understanding the story of Easter. Before we opened a new egg each day, we would always go over the previous eggs. It was amazing, because even the two year olds could shout out what was inside the egg from each day before. The more I did it, the more confidence I gained. On the last day when the egg was empty like Jesus’ tomb, they were shocked. Not only did the kids remember the eleven eggs before that one, but they got to see and understand a glimpse of God's unconditional love for them. God answered my prayers big time. He used me in ways I didn't think I could be used. He gave me words when I had none.

A painting i did for Hope of the kids Easter
bracelets.

It was now Easter Break, and also my last week in Haiti. Since there was no preschool we did a lot of organizing and cleaning with the Haitian staff. Shelley had the great idea to give the ladies that worked in the preschool a set of Resurrection Eggs, coloring books, and bracelets so that they could get a group together in their neighborhoods and teach them about the Easter story. The ladies were thrilled by this idea, so we got to work on getting supplies together. Originally, we thought maybe the ladies would get together with five or ten people each, but instead they shared the Resurrection Eggs with over one hundred people. Even a few got saved. This last week God was teaching me the huge impact that all the little things have. The ladies sharing the Easter story in their communities was a great example of this. Its something small like that that can change Haiti. That got me thinking about the little things that changed my life while I was there. I remembered one day wanting to cry because of just six words that one of the Haitian ladies had said to me. Her name was Emony. She was the hardest worker I have ever seen, and one of the kindest people I have ever met. Emony was just starting to learn English, but even though we didn't always speak much with words, she had a way of making me feel so loved and important without saying anything at all. One day with the little english that she knew she came up to me, gave me this great big hug and said, “I love you so much Clara”. If something so small as the words I love you can make such a huge impact on my life, what could it do for someone elses?

A picture we took on the rooftop in Haiti.

It was time for me to say goodbye to the people I had grown to love so much, but this time I had a peace about leaving. I got to see a little more through their perspective, I got to understand a little more about their country, and I got to know more about their hearts. It was easier to say goodbye knowing that I had the opportunity to come back soon. As my plane took off, I stared out the window with tears rolling down my cheeks. God had used me! The feeling that gave me was indescribable. I used to feel that in order to follow God you had to change the world, but that's impossible. I learned that all the little impacts you make on peoples lives add up, and then you just have to trust God with the rest. I didn't know what would happen to the preschoolers when they went home everyday, but I knew that while I was with them I could hold them in my arms and love them to the best of my ability. The thought of Jesus using me to glorify Himself was overwhelming. I had never felt more loved in my life than I did in that moment. It was my feet, but His steps. My voice, but His words. My hands, but His touch. My heart, but His love.

Rachelle and I. This girl holds a very special place in my heart.

I had a fun time painting flowers in the Hatian Kitchen while I was there.

This was everybody in the Tlucek house except for Byron who
was taking the picture. Each of them were very special to me.

This is Chilo. He didn't smile or say much,  but his big heart shown through his eyes. This was the day I got a huge smile out of him.  It made me so Happy!!

My little buddy Alexandre

So blessed by each of these people. Starting on the right is James, Katy Sue, Hope, Me, and then Hannah.
THANKS HOPIE FOR THE AWESOME PICTURES!!

There are endless stories, memories, and lessons learned, but there is no way I could possibly tell them all. I hope this gave you a glimpse at my incredible journey in Haiti, and all of the wonderful things God opened my eyes to. This summer I have the opportunity to go back to Haiti and Maranatha Childrens Ministries to help in their six week English Camp. This camp focuses on teaching English and Bible stories, on top of having a whole bunch of fun. It will be an awesome experience, and I can't wait to go back. Please pray for me as I prepare for my next trip to Haiti in June.